Can`t see the forest for the trees?

Congratulations Slovakia, this year you have nailed it! We had almost given up on the Slovaks, cause the four times they have managed to participate since 1994, they have given us nothing but rubbish. But with a dash of ethnic beats and a hint of traditional folk song elements, mixed with a couple of hotties on stage doing a rather peculiar dance routine, they’re suddenly on top of their game!

So, where do you go in Slovakia to see the most beautiful trees? Horehronie apparently. We have no idea what Kristina is singing about, but that’s the beauty of it, she sings in her own native language and we like it! The song does however lack a build up towards the end, it sort of just goes on and on while we wait for the non existing grand finale. Kristina looks good in her foresty outfit, but her singing is at best mediocre, she sounds very nervous. We have also grown a bit tired of the rope sequence, it has been done before, more than a couple of times. It looks cool when it’s done well, but it should be possible to come up with something new and refreshing.

For the time being we have a hard time seeing anything else but the trees in this entry. We think they really want us to see the whole forest, they’re just not quite there yet. But we have a strong feeling that Kristina and her crew will work hard to improve this number’s weaknesses. That’s why we predict that we will see Slovakia, complete with their full blown and fabulous forest, in the final for the first time in ages.

WTF, Dinamo????

We are sorry. We just need to stop being happy for a moment before we go on. Because what the f... is going on at the University of Oslo?

Last week the producers of this year's Eurovsion final, held a class about their profile for the show, stating that they will get rid of "ridiculous, gay behaviour, drag show and men in sequins". And a lot more, but it makes us too angry to translate it all.

Let just this be perfectly clear:

• Eurovision glamour, party and show time is not a gay thing. It is a yay thing, not dependent of sexual orientation.
• People in drag are not something one gets rid of, they are people that have the right to exist just as they are and people one love and embrace, because no one is cooler than them.
• Getting rid of gay behaviour is something one did under WWII. No more comparison necessary. If one get rid of gay behaviour, one get rid of some of the best people in this world.
• "Gay behaviour" is not something that even exists. Gay people behave as differently as all others.
• "Gay behaviour" is not ridiculous.
• Taking "gay behaviour and people in drag" out of Eurovision is not a way to focus on the music. It is a way to start a war.
• We are the people we know that love Eurovision the most, and certainly more than most of our gay friends. We are not gay, at least not in the homosexual way.
• Men in sequins or golden jackets are absolutely necessary for a fab time.
• If you take the show and the ridicule out of Eurovision to focus on the music, you will first of all get crappy music and second you will kill Eurovision. Everything is related. If you don't know that, find another job, Dinamo.
• We could go on and on, but I guess you get the point...

Note that if this is the message you will flag for Eurovision, dear producers: We will boycott.We will hate Dinamo. Because nothing provokes us more than homophobic behaviour and the removal of glamour from Eurovision. Get a grip! Now! And find some other producers, NRK!

Je t'adore or shut the door for Belgium?

Poor Belgium. Since the introduction of the semi-finals they have tried just about everything without any luck. Europe turned their backs to disco, rockabilly, euro dance, a seductive french ballad and whatever was going on back in 2008, we can’t even begin to describe. The bookies held Kate Ryan as a huge favourite in 2006, but the televoters did not love her, instead they brutally shut the door leading to the final.

New year, new tactic! Will Europe love Tom Dice and take him trough to the big final? ”Me and My Guitar” is a good song, and Tom Dice can sing, however we can’t help but think, in a sort of copycat way like so many other X-factor and Idol contestants. To succeed in Eurovision you need to bring something unique to the table, being really good at sounding almost like James Blunt or David Gray just doesn’t cut it in our opinion.

This song kinda reminds us of Jostein Hasselgård’s ”I’m Not Afraid To Move On” from 2003. Simple, down to earth, straight forward, with a cute guy and his instrument. Jostein succeeded with his formula so perhaps Tom will follow in his foot steps?

Hear our demands

Here we are, telling you what we think about this year's entries. But what does make a perfect Eurovision entry? Let’s present some of our main demands.

Make us happy
Eurovision time is happy time. We want party, glamour and joy from the first set of notes, not serious, pretentious and pompous. Make us dance and laugh and jump up and down like Bucks Fizz, Helena Paparizou or Dana International made us do, and you will join us at every party from here to eternity.

Give us a crazy show
Whether being wrapped up in silver, going in drag, doing the laundry on stage or chanting ethnic tones, we just cheer for the people that give us the extra, crazy show to the very top rank. Bring up the nuclear weapons or come driving up in a golf cart looking like Jesus in sunglasses, and you will be loved always forever.

Charm us
But if you are not among the funniest of the party people, you could also just charm us to death. Everyone from Johnny Logan, Sandra Kim, Sandie Shaw to Lulu have managed to melt the even iciest heart. And if you manage to give us the ice blue look, the girly smile or the tipsy walk? Then congratulations when we tell everyone that we’re in love with you too.

Don't mind the message
Eurovision is supposed to be neutral grounds, AKA not about politics. But, come on, we all know that this is far from the truth. Neighbours vote for each other and many have risked their Eurovision career with political messages throughout history. Georgia was forced to withdraw last year when they were bound for Moscow singing "We Don't Wanna Put In". Go figure! Ketil Stokkan was almost disqualified for singing about the Brandenburger Tor in 1990, preceded by Åge Aleksandersen, who sang about the Russian Bear ten years earlier, as a protest against the Soviet Union's invasion of Afghanistan. Armenians have wrapped in hidden, but perhaps not very subtile messages, see this year's entry. And Israel was promptly under investigation for pushing both the button and ESC's limits in 2007. So should you keep your opinion to yourself or flash it on the stage in front of all of Europe? We say go for it no matter what, as long as you don't expect us to always care that much about your message.

Look Fabulous
Put on your nicest dress or your hottest suit. Wrap your body in plastic, tin foil, plush or gold. Let the wig and eyelashes be beyond our imagination and throw in some ethnic effects before you unravel the tiny skirt hidden beneath. Just remember to create something just as unforgettable as Kate Gulbrandsen's hair or Dschinghis Khan's golden lamé clothing. Because we really do want short skirt, long jacket, shoes that cut and eyes that burn like cigarettes.

Play your balalaika, baby
You've got to play your balalaika like it's the last one left on earth. Like there's no tomorrow and you playing it is your ultimate gift to us. It isn't about the balalaika, really, you can play any instrument in a sufficiently convincing way. Just remember how Alexander Rybak treated his fiddle.

And sing us a song
And then just sing us a song. For the last time in your life. Your time has come, sing from the top of your lungs or shout it out like from the highest mountain tops. Or perhaps life is too short to waste energy on fuzz or heavy rock or power ballads. At the end of the day we want a good song. With a melody and a text we can grasp and a middle verse that differs and a nice bridge to build up our mood. Please, do just that, and be sure to never be at the bottom of our list.  

So, with all this intact, what IS our all time favorite entry?
It is all so very hard to choose. Because a lot of entries actually DO meet our demands. And we love them all so very much. But yes, making our mind up is something we are working on, so here is one from each of us:

Guri picks France Gall "Poupée de cire poupée de son" from 1965. Yes, it's kind of old. But oh, so perfect. In oh, so many ways. Luxembourg took home the victory with this smashing song but behold, only the French could be behind this. Please, someone, do it again.

 

Astrid picks Carola's "Främling" from 1983. It didn't win, it wasn't even the runner up. And quite honestly, we don't care that much about Carola anymore, do we? But back then everything was perfect, and I suppose that as an ESC addict we all have that moment in time when you just know that you will love Eurovision for always and forever. This was mine. 

Well, honestly Iceland, we don't know either

We love our Nordic neighbours Iceland and over the years since their debut in Bergen in 1986 they have actually done quite well. In fact, it’s one of the most successful ESC countries never to win the contest. Yohanna set a new standard last year with her amazing ballad “Is It True?”, and in our opinion, in the landslide of ballads in this years edition, not one entry is even close to compare.

We all know that Iceland has been running a bit low on the financial side lately. Perhaps that’s why they decided to recycle the song from 2008? Unfortunately they couldn’t afford to include the energy, colour and charisma Euroband with “This Is My Life” had in abundance back then. Come on, Iceland, we know your’re broke, but cheer up for crying out loud!
 
Hera Björk has a certain je ne sais quoi about her, and she has a good voice, but it's just a waste with this number. And why ramble away in a mix of English and French, when Iceland supposedly take such pride in preserving the Icelandic language? Give us something genuine, earthy, powerful, glowing and rugged, just bring it all out there, Europe would love it! This is just gloomy, outdated eurotrash and we just can’t be bothered. Next, please!

Hello sweetness!

Switzerland hasn't really given us much Eurovision history recently. That is, if you don't love the cheesy ballads Celine Dion and her kindred spirits deliver. Safe to say, we don't.
 

The very first Eurovision Song Contest was actually held in Switzerland in 1956, and they even won themselves. The winner was the very cute Lys Assia. Not really ESC like we know today, but such a lady of the 50s and such a romantic, lovely and dreamy song. It just makes you want to watch the sunset and sip cocktails with Don Draper. Lys Assia continued to be cute for a couple more years until other, more annoying women replaced her. Horrible entries from Annie Cotton and Vanilla Ninja have managed to grasp surprisingly good scores, and Celine Dion was a bit quirky and sweet, but still no good winner in 1988. Then DJ Bobo’s vampire flirt and Lovebugs’ rock disaster last year made us think the country had lost it completely.

That’s why we are so happy that Swiss cuteness again will enter Eurovision this year. Michael Von Der Heide is the male equivalent of Lys Assia, and his golden jacket and adoring ears really makes you wanna take him home for dessert. His energy, the song reminding you of Shagma and the fantastic Balalaika-player just adds to the menu. This is Eurovision like it should be. And it is welcome back to the chocolatiers of Europe.

Comme Ci, Comme Ça

Cyprus has the advantage of being spared from the humiliating big fat zero on the scoreboard. Regardless of how crappy their entry might be, Greece will always shovel at least a couple of points over, under normal circumstances even a "douze points"! After the introduction of the semi-finals Cyprus has really struggled and failed to qualify for the big final every year since 2005. With the exception of the snappy "Comme Ci, Comme Ça" by Evridiki from 2007, we can´t really claim that Cyprus deserved a better outcome. To us it seems like they´re not trying hard enough, being almost indifferent towards how their own country is doing as long as Greece finishes in the Top 10.

This year we will cheer a tiny tad extra for Cyprus. Behind the piano is Sylvia Strand, a fellow Norwegian gone Welsh, member of the backing band The Islanders. All of a sudden she found herself in the spotlight after winning the national selection final in Cyprus with a whopping top score from both the jury and the televoters. An experience she describes as surreal, but super fun! Lead singer Jon Lilygreen is talented and charming, and we find ourselves warming up to his message. Life does of course look better in spring when it´s Eurovision time!

We do wish to see Cyprus entering the final this year, however we are not quite sure if televoters in Baku, Minsk and Belgrade share our enthusiasm.

3 + 2 = 12?

We kinda like Belarus. The country that gave us our very own Alexander Rybak and the chance to invite Europe to come party with us in Oslo in May. Since their debut back in 2004 they have not been very successful, except from in 2007 when Dmitry Koldun worked his magic and pulled a sixth place up from his hat. 

So what will they bring this year? The group 3+2 with the Gary Moore rip off ”Far away”. Ok, whatever. Oh, but hang on, they changed their mind, as if this year´s contest doesn´t have enough booooooring ballads, here´s yet another one from Belarus! Ok, it´s actually not that bad. We are extremely enthusiastic about the animated butterflies in the promo video and we cannot wait to see how this will be done live in Telenor Arena. 

Shall we predict that Belarus with "Butterflies" will be one of the qualifiers from the first semi-final? Or did Belarus mess up when they ditched "Far Away"?

The Motherland is calling

Armenia´s Eurovision history is short and sweet, the country has finished in the Top 10 every year since they first competed in 2006. Europe seems to love their etno inspired entries and who can blame us? We simply couldn't live without André´s love back in 2006 and the sweethearts Inga and Anush made us dance with joy last year!

This year´s entry is a dark horse which can easily turn into a big favourite. Beautiful Eva Rivas is calling upon the Diasporas around Europe, homesick Armenians will vote like maniacs! We love ”Apricot Stone” because Armenia is staying true to their own style, and for celebrating their roots even tough they are one of the youngest members of the Eurovision family.

Another Top 10 finish is well within reach.

Something rotten in the state of Denmark

Denmark really has been some schizo country when it comes to Eurovision. From the best to the worst, from the funkiest to the most boring, we never seem to know quite what we get from them.

It all seemed so shiny and bright with Birte Kjær. She is one of our all time favorites with her 1989 entry “Vi maler byen rød”. It is such a model of what a Eurovision song should sound like. It really builds you up and makes you want to dance, and you sing along after hearing it once. It has often been mentioned among the best Eurovision entries ever, and do we agree. Birte is the woman.

What we think about the old Olsen brothers on wings of love, is probably best left unmentioned. But we did love the Drama Queen that made her visit on the Eurovision stage in 2007. She had the right attitude and some lovely costumes, and luckily she still lives on in the heat of Denmark’s drag scene.

So you can understand we were excited about this year’s entry as well. It starts off as a Police rip off with its first few tones, but after that there is only a very sad pop song left to make your head ache and to awaken all bad memories of opening song at Olympic games that were better left forgotten. As for performance, the guy is kinda cute, but what is the deal with the screen? And the hand in the beginning? And can someone please remove the lace curtain from the lady’s dress?

No, we don’t want to see this in the top ten. Not in the final at all, actually. Burn, Denmark, burn.

This blog is registered on Bloggurat.